Changing the tone of what you say

Many learners of English worry about making mistakes with grammar or vocabulary. One important area which many forget about, however, is that of tone – how does the message sound to the listener? Does the speaker sound polite or aggressive? While many native speakers will make allowances for a learner’s grammatical errors, many find that they are offended by something which they think sounds rude or aggressive. So how can you identify if your message is delivered in an appropriate tone?

In this extract from Working English Magazine, Ruth Whitbread describes how to change the tone of what you say to make sure you sound polite.

Before you read the extract Imagine you are having a conversation in your own language with an important person.This might be your boss, a business contact or the principal of your school.Think of examples of words or phrases you might use to show you were being polite.

If you have ever felt that you have caused offence when you have spoken English to someone, it may be that you’re simply not using enough words to convey your message. Something that often surprises and confuses learners of English is the way that native speakers tend to use rather indirect language. British people, in particular, will use eight words where perhaps four might have been enough. And they do this even at work – a place where you’d think that shorter, clearer sentences would be better. So changing your message and speaking in a less direct way is an important issue for learners to get to grips with. For example, if someone at work asks you to do something, you may think ‘That’s impossible.’ But saying this could appear impolite. However, there are lots of ways around it.You can prepare the listener for the fact that you are about to disagree by using the words ‘well...’ or ‘actually...’. And if you know that what you are going to hear isn’t the answer which the person wants, you could add the phrase ‘I’m afraid’. Finally, British speakers often turn negative adjectives into positive ones to make bad news more acceptable, and put ‘not’ in front – so ‘impossible’ becomes ‘not possible’. So, in the end ‘That’s impossible’ becomes ‘Actually, I’m afraid that’s not possible.’

1. According to Ruth, what is the main reason for learners sounding impolite when they are speaking English?
2. Find 3 things Ruth says you can do to make bad news sound better.

Answer

1. native speakers tend to use rather indirect language. British people, in particular, will use eight words where perhaps four might have been enough.
   

• tend to shows that you want to avoid saying ‘all people do this all the time’.
• rather, like quite, is a word which can change the strength of the adjective. Both words can be used to mean ‘very’ and ‘not very’.
• perhaps, like could and might, can be used to make opinions sound less direct.

5 top tips for sounding more polite.

1. Use the words ‘actually’ or ‘well’ to show that you are about to disagree.To British English ears, ‘No’ is too direct.‘Well, no’ sounds as if you are taking the listener’s feelings into consideration.
   
2. Use positive words with ‘not’ rather than negatives. So, instead of saying ‘I disagree’, you can say ‘Actually, I don’t agree.’
3. Make your advice or opinion sound like a suggestion. Use modal verbs such as ‘could’ and ‘might’ to make your advice more listener-friendly. So instead of saying ‘You sound rude if you are too direct’, you might say ‘You could sound rude if you are too direct.’
4. Use question forms instead of imperatives. If you want someone to do something, question forms can soften your message. So, in a shop, instead of saying ‘Give me a notepad’ try ‘Can I have a notepad?’
5. Use the phrase ‘It’s a bit...’ or ‘It’s a little...’ before adjectives instead of ‘too’.When you hear ‘Actually, your assignment is a bit late’, the speaker really means ‘The assignment is too late’.

TASK        Become aware of vague language

Making your sentences longer and more vague might seem like a waste of words. It may seem over-polite or even dishonest. But, if you are listening to and speaking with British English speakers or people from other, more formal cultures, it is a useful thing to learn.

1. Re-read the first three sentences of the extract. Find three words which Ruth uses to make her message less direct.
2. Imagine you have to advise a British English speaker on how to be polite in your language.What advice would you give?